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May 15, 2014 / hbrowne4

Handbags

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Women’s handbags are a source of mystery and feminine magic to us mere men. It is a source of wonder and amazement to us how anything can be found in the bowels of these repositories of life and identity which are such a necessary part of a most women’s lives.

My wife’s cousin (male of course) is on record as saying that he would not be surprised if Sheila had a set of spanners and a car jack in her handbag, to be hauled forth if needed to fix a flat tyre or to tighten up a stray bolt or two.

It is with extreme trepidation that I approach her bag if I am asked to fetch something from its capacious depths. I will always bring the bag, unopened, to her rather than venture in, if at all possible. My fear is that if I once open the bag I and plunge my hand in, I may be dragged bodily into its depths by some mysterious “Goddess of the Handbag” never more to be seen in the world of men.

My Mother used to say that women were from Venus and men from Mars and that sex was a happy accident. Nowhere is this difference so evident than in the matter the carrying of personal effects. Men seem to be able to carry all the necessary items for normal use spread throughout their person in various pockets, whilst women appear to need considerably greater carrying capacity for their goods and chattels.

There is a distressing new practice emerging of the carrying by some men of “Man Bags”. This is not yet, Thank God, a widespread practice and hopefully it will not catch on and become a thing in general usage. Otherwise I may be forced to resign my position as male chauvinist pig.

I’m not sure what any normal person needs to carry about as a regular practice beyond a wallet, mobile phone, comb and pen etc. all of which are well able to be fitted into pockets. So why the need for a bag? It is not only heavy, but seriously insecure as it presents an obvious target for a potential mugger or sneak thief. In the case of a man, whilst a pickpocket might well steal his wallet, it is unlikely that the thief would also get his phone and other items, whilst the ladies’ handbag contains all her critical and irreplaceable items in one convenient place slung insouciantly over the shoulder or carried loosely in the hand, a very tempting prize for an opportunist thief.

Al things considered the carrying of handbags is an illogical, unhealthy (on the grounds of weight) and unwise practice and should be discouraged.

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