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May 6, 2015 / hbrowne4

The Cat Astrophe


“Drat” Said Patrick “The blasted computer is acting up again and she who must be obeyed has just been on the blower to say that Tiddles has tried to top himself again, by attempted drowning, no less. Who ever heard of a cat attempting suicide by drowning?”

“The IT people are all gone home of course. No such nonsense as a thirty six hour week for those bozos. I reckon they’re home in their mother’s attic merrily hacking the KGB or someone, just when you need them most. Bloody typical”

“What’s that? Oh it’s the cursed phone again, her indoors on once more about the stupid feline I bet. No it’s the Fire Brigade, apparently the dozy old bag has called them out to rescue Tiddles. Hello, yes this is Patrick mcGuinness, who’s calling? The chief Fire Officer for Dublin City Council? God’s Teeth, to what do I owe the rare honour of this call? No don’t tell me, it’s the cursed furball isn’t it? You want what? Four thousand euro, for what? Oh that’s the total bill for rescuing Tiddles twelve times in the past year? Seems he takes it into to his silly head to do himself in at every full moon. The stupid moggy doesn’t even realise that there’s actually thirteen full moons in a year”

“Listen Mr Chief Fire Officer, maybe we can come to an understanding about this little contretemps, what say you and me take ourselves over to the local boozer and discuss this like gentlemen? Just a minute, will you? I’m having some computer trouble just now, please wait while I pull the plug on the fecking evil machine”

“Oh dear me, I think I need your assistance more than I thought, the plug socket just shot out a jet of flame three feet long and the whole office is going up in smoke. Can you drop what you’re doing and come put this fire out, like right now?”

“What about Tiddles you say? Let the ugly fucker drown and get your arse over here now, pretty please”

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