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May 19, 2015 / hbrowne4

A Turkey’s Tale


Prince Rupert was very put out. Just to clarify, Rupert was a cock Turkey and an exceedingly proud one at that. However he had had a disturbing experience earlier in the day and was now stomping around the lower well field muttering and squawking under his breath.

“What’s got your tail feathers in a twist?” Demanded Bernard the bull. He was called Bernard because he was a pure bred Limousin bull, not, you will understand a native of France himself but both his mother and father were native to that fair land and consequently he gloried in the name Bernard.

“Look at me” Snarled Rupert “Am I not the most exquisite example of the avian species ever seen in this, or any other part of the World?”

“Well to tell the truth Rupe, you do look quite fine with that dramatic spread of tail feathers and your assured mien when perambulating around the farmstead. But what has that got to do with anything?” Asked Bernard

“That impertinent little sparrow has had the temerity to suggest that because I don’t fly, I’m somehow less of a bird than he is because he does. It’s deeply insulting I tell you” he was, as has been pointed out earlier, very put out “And don’t call me Rupe, It’s Prince Rupert, if you don’t mind.

“You can fly, you know” Said Bernard

“What do you mean I can fly? Demanded Rupert “I should know if I can fly or not, and I most certainly cannot fly. Please don’t be unnecessarily nasty to me, you’re worse than the bloody sparrow”

“I may have misspoken myself” Replied Bernard in a lofty tone of voice “What I mean is that I can help you to fly, it’s surprisingly easy, really”

“You teach me to fly, don’t be ridiculous, you’re a great lumbering bovine, how could you teach me to fly, it’s patently impossible”

“Listen you obnoxious prat” Snapped Bernard “I said help you, not teach you. All you have to do is eat a half dozen of those brown cake like things you can find lying around the paddock”

“You’re telling me that in order to be able to fly, all I have to do is eat a half dozen of your shits. That’s disgusting. You must take me for a complete fool”

“In all of our acquaintance” said Bernard ” Have you ever known me to tell anything but the plain unvarnished truth. You can do what you like, of course, but if you want to put the upstart sparrow in his place, all you need to do is exactly as I’ve told you. After all how do you think he’s able to fly?”

With considerable trepidation Rupert decided that he’d give it a try. Imagine his amazement when after consuming his sixth cowpat he felt an enormous lightness throughout his body and with a tremendous leap he soared into the clear blue sky.

Some time later after lapping the field several times he came to rest on the topmost branch of the grand old cedar tree in the corner.

As he was squeaking his triumph to the whole world the farmer arrived and spotting Rupert on his high point he whipped up his shotgun and with one well aimed shot brought the poor foolish bird to the ground.

Reynard the fox was lurking in the undergrowth and turning to his little Cubs playing round his tail he said “You can always rely on bullshit to get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there”

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