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November 16, 2015 / hbrowne4

Prompt “You watch from a hiding place while your ex fiancé walks down the aisle…”


WAW

“Yeah, but what prompted you to climb up here? The first rule of rock climbing is that you never go up if you’re not sure of the way back down. How long have you been at this game anyway?”

“Listen, are you going to help me to get off this rock or not. Right now the last thing I need is a lecture in the arcana of rock climbing. I’m here now and I need to get down, that should be enough for you. You are a member of the Kerry Mountain Rescue Team aren’t you? So how about you shut up with the cross examination and help me out here”

“Well if that’s going to be your attitude you can fuck right off. Civility, as the old woman said, costes nothing so a civil answer is in order. Now would you like to start again?”

“OK, ok, if that’s the price of rescue I’ll tell you my story. I was engaged to this girl, the most fascinating, beautiful girl you’ve ever come across but for reasons best known to herself she dumped me on the steps of the altar. When I asked why she’d broken my heart in such a callous fashion she told me I was too staid and unadventurous for her, she needed, she said, more oomph in her life and with a complacent flick of her fingers she discarded me abruptly”

“Not long after a ‘kind’ friend told me that she was marrying my Cousin Jim in a couple of weeks. I couldn’t believe it, he must be the most boring gink in the entire world, but he does have one interesting characteristic, he’s as rich as the man that owns the Internet, if not richer”

“So on the morning of the wedding I found myself hiding behind the big pillar nearest the high altar in St Patrick’s, our childhood parish church. I was waiting for the priest to do the ‘If anyone knows a reason why these two should not be joined in the bonds of holy matrimony’ thing, and then I’d jump out and declare my undying love, but apparently they don’t do the”if anyone” thing any more. As I lurked there shamefaced she turned her head and caught sight of me”

“Hold on Father” she said to the astounded priest and storming down towards me with fire in her eyes she screeched “I knew marrying you would be a colossal mistake but I didn’t realise just what I managed to escape from, what do you think you’re doing hiding in the gloom here”

Stammering I tried to explain that I had intended to, literally, sweep her off her feet and persuade her that it was really me she should marry but she didn’t give me time to get it all out.

“You know what would really impress me?” She queried “If you were to climb up on a high place and throw yourself off, they’d probably give you a huge funeral”

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